How to Live For Today and Not Worry About Tomorrow (or Yesterday)

Happy the man and happy he alone

He, who can call today his own:

He who, secure within can say:

“Tomorrow do thy worst, for i have lived today”

Horace

Why do we worry so much about what has been, what may come, what we cannot control? We do this to such an extent that we don’t live in the current moment. We are not enjoying our time with our partners, our families or our friends because our minds are fixated on everything else, panicking about the future of which we can do very little about. Causing ourselves to mentally tire out and even make ourselves ill with worry. We let precious moments pass us by only to lament doing so at a later date.

The poem above, written by the Roman poet Horace, is a 2000 year old indication that this worry is nothing new, so how can we overcome it?

The clue is in the last line of his poem ‘Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today’. Ensuring we live our best life today and not give power to the stresses that tomorrow may bring. So, the key is to live in deliberate, one-day segments. Know what you must do for this day alone, by all means this can include preparing for days to come, such as arranging a holiday, but do not dedicate so much time that you forget that you are meant to enjoy life in the now.

The key is to not fill our day with too much ‘stuff’ and to live in one day segments. We do this by:

Planning your day, the afternoon before, and tick off every accomplishment as you go.
This helps you track your progress visually, and gives a sense of achievement to carry on. There are tons of apps that can help you do this, but one that I particularly like to use is One Note, simply for its simplicity. Just go to your app store for whichever platform you are on and search for ‘to-do list’ or ‘planner’ and try a few out.

Remembering that every day is a new life to a wise man.
I forget where I read this, but it has stayed with me for years and I find it quite profound. It tells me that there’s ample opportunity to start over anew each day. There’s a reason why the phrase ‘sleep on it’ is so famous, because after you have recharged your batteries for a new day, you are more refreshed, positive and confident to take challenges on.

Waking up early.
I know, I know, this is an unpopular one. Especially with students (been there too), but tell me you don’t feel great in being up early and productive. Okay, the getting out of bed part is crap, especially in winter, but once you are up and have had your coffee (more on this at the end), you feel great that you accomplished the first small task of the day. Now onto the next one on your list.

Not working too late or too early.
This differs from person to person, but personally I shudder at the thought of starting my tasks at 3 am, whereas the next person may relish it, and I stop working (for example, learning new computer skills, learning a language) at 7:30pm and have the rest of the evening as ‘my time’ to do things other than work. We all need this time to unwind and enjoy other things such as the people around us, and I’ve stuck to my one – day segment.

Take the time to slow down.
Yep, if you’re anything like me then you will have a tendency to think about a million things at once and get stuck in ‘analysis paralysis’ and before you know it, three hours have passed by and you have nothing to show for it. Take time to sit down and relax, have a cuppa (cup of tea for anyone reading this from outside the UK) and stop trying to fill every second of the day with stimulus. You will find that you will be much more confident, satisfied, happy and productive if you stop chasing ‘feelings and stimulus’ constantly and accept that feelings, good or bad are fleeting, you will be much more at ease and your mind will relax. Preventing you from mentally burning out.

Forget your worries of tomorrow and don’t stew over yesterday. Yesterday has gone and you can’t control it, win or lose, we take lessons from yesterday and apply them to today. This is easier said than done, but it’s the only way yesterday can be of any value to us. The worries of tomorrow also have no power over us if we concentrate on one-day segments. Again, this takes practice and may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it works wonders for me :D.

Reward yourself for your accomplishments in your one- day segment.
Been to the gym? Reward yourself with your favourite healthy meal, completed your tax return? Have a beer (as long as your to-do list doesn’t include driving afterward), this could even be your favourite takeaway (maybe do this at the end of a five day streak, as much as I love pizza I think having it every day would destroy me).

Don’t get me wrong, there are things in life that are incredibly important that require prior planning, and to ignore them is silly, such as paying the mortgage, and you’re not going to solve that in just one day, but break it down into day-tight sections and gradually chip away at the bigger tasks. Seeing progress being made in this way gives you a ‘pick-me-up’ and keeps you motivated to continue and smash your task.

The above tips give you more control over your day – to – day life, and give you a confident air of calm about you as you look like (and do have!) your sh*t together that little bit more.

Stay Confident

Luke

Overcoming Ego Threat

We’ve all had situations where we have dreaded the outcome if it didn’t go our way, and *GASP* what would people say and think of us as a result. Am I right?
In this blog post I’m going to talk about ego threat and how to combat it, so you can perform like a cool, confidence oozing machine :D.

Now, everyone on this earth has an ego to some degree, and no one enjoys the feeling of their ego being threatened. Let’s be honest, our ego is a big part of ourselves and therefore, we intertwine our ego with our sense of identity. Ergo, our very sense of self is questioned if we were dealt with a set of circumstances which we see as a threat.
For example, the thought of getting bad grades in an exam will be an ego threat to someone who prides themselves on being a good student, or an upcoming presentation at work may give you the shivers because if you do poorly, your reputation at the company may take a hit and the boss may think differently of you.

The 6 Ps. Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Preparation is a key part of eroding ego threat. The more you practice something, the better you are going to be at it. The better you are at something, the more confident you are at that chosen task. The more confident you are, the better received you will be by your peers and by yourself. A great example of this is for interviews. Have you heard of anyone who hasn’t prepared at all for an interview, and just rolled up and aced it? If you have, shake that person’s hand because that is incredible, but I’m willing to bet that they are not telling the truth. I know that whenever I’ve had an interview, I prepare for it as soon as I get the confirmation of a date and time. It can be as simple as Googling ‘Top exam questions and answers’ or watching interview techniques on Youtube. One thing I have done is to sit down with a friend who would ask me these questions so that I could physically speak the answers instead of going over them in my head. Was I still a little nervous? You bet I was! But was I confident going in there? Oh Yes! Did I get the job? ……………..

Realise you are more than the issue at hand.

Pick a time when you’re brain power is at its best. For some this is first thing in the morning, for those of us who are a bit more normal (joke) it may be around midday or the early afternoon/evening. At this time grab a piece of paper and write down what’s important to you that ISN’T related to the issue that’s causing you stress. It can be things such as being a good parent, a community leader, a care giver, a great friend to someone in need, a volunteer etc.
Writing these things down will allow you to realise that there’s so much more to you than the issue at hand, and that if things don’t go your way it’s not the end of the world because there’s so much more to you to be excited about. Yes, it may hurt or annoy you in the short term, but rest assured that it doesn’t define who you are.

Disassociate from the issue

This one will take a little bit of imagination (another reason to do this when your brain power is at its best).
Put yourself in a quiet room (less distractions) or as near to it (do I hear screaming kids in the background?), close your eyes and picture the event is happening. It’s still happening to you in this image, but you are separated from your body. You are a third party watching yourself (what did I say about that brain power eh!). Imagine you are watching it in a cinema, and you are the star of the movie. Imagine yourself acing whatever it is causing you grief and how you intend to handle it. Imagine it has gone incredibly well. How do you feel for this character? I can bet you will be sitting with your eyes closed and smiling. Take notice of how great it feels to do well. Hold onto that feeling and take it with you to confront the stressful situation.
Professional athletes do this all the time. They visualise how they will knock their opponent out, how they will take a specific corner in a race or what it will feel and look like to lift that trophy. By no means does it guarantee victory, it does however put you in a better, more positive mindset of self-worth, giving you licence to be at your best.

I hope you got great value from this post. If you want to learn more about dealing with other issues regarding confidence, check out my other posts.

Stay Confident,

Luke.

6 Tips for Post Holiday, Back to Work Confidence

Holidays, aren’t they the best! All that food, drink, activities and great times with great people old and new. Then all of a sudden, clunk! Your alarm clock goes off, you fumble around to turn the alarm off, slump out of bed, get dressed and join the rat race to get to work.
You get to work after a stressful commute with other equally stressed commuters, sit down at your desk and you feel this weight of dread slowly encompass you. That’s right, reality has hit and it’s no longer happy holiday time.

You have a meeting, a presentation to make, a conference call and a shed load of work to get through before the day is over. Stress is building and the positivity you obtained over the holiday is starting to wane.

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there at some point.

There are many reasons people get stressed at work, mainly office politics with peers, the general 9-5 slog and huge/tiny workloads. For this post however, I’ll focus on getting you through the first day of general work. By the way, these ideas can be used on any day if you wish, but I have found them to hold particular strength on the first day back when people are most vulnerable to feeling the blues.

How to be positive and confident on your return.

The best way to ease the transition back into the working week is to keep a positive mindset. Now I know I can hear everyone reading this yelling ‘I know that already!’ but if you stay with me I will give you 6 tips I personally use to keep those stress demons away and allow myself to be at my most confident, productive self.

1.  It begins the moment you wake up.
Choose a more soothing alarm tone on your phone rather than the traditional ‘ERGH ERGH ERGH’ of the usual alarm clock. This way you can allow yourself to wake up in a better mood, more tranquil, more positive and less abruptly. Make sure to get a shower, use grooming products such as skin cream and put on some fresh, clean clothes. This will make you feel refreshed and awake and will give you a stronger sense of pride in your appearance. Before or after you have got dressed and ready to hit the road, take just a couple of minutes to look at yourself in the mirror. Make eye contact with yourself. Smile, and tell yourself that you are going to own this day, you are going to put your all into making this a good day for yourself. This can have such a profound effect on your mental state before you even get to work, a sort of pre-emptive strike of positivity.

2. Breakfast.
An obvious one, granted. Breakfast is often overlooked as that ‘thing’ you’re supposed to do in a morning but gets in the way. Make time for it, even if it’s a slice of toast with jam on. Eating releases chemicals in the brain such as endorphins and dopamine, that give you an added boost to your mood.

7 Tips for Post Holiday, Back to Work Confidence
Photo by Whitney Wright

3.Music.
listening to music can be a great help to sustaining a happy medium. My advice would be to do this intermittently however as it can be a little anti-social, especially on a day when people may be interested to talk to you about your holidays, so use it sparingly.I personally LOVE metal music. I find it’s the only kind of music that fires me up ready to take on whatever the day brings. However, if the idea of headbanging your day away and possibly wrecking your desk and/or neck sounds awful then by all means choose a genre of music that puts you in the best state of mind. Maybe you prefer some classical music to gently float through the day, or maybe some rap/hip hop to groove to.

4.Avoid clock watching.
Seriously, the sooner you do this after you arrive you are in a whole world of torment. Crack on with your work and the time will pass.

5.Keep hydrated.
Sounds strange this one, no? It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily routine that the feeling of thirst can creep up on you. This is your body’s way of saying ‘I need water NOW!’ and considering that our bodies are 80% water and just a 2% drop can incur headaches, fatigue and lack of concentration you owe it to yourself to keep hydrated to get through the day to keep at the top of your game and maintain a confident aura.

6.Keep smiling/stay positive.
The importance of staying happy is essential albeit quite tough sometimes, especially on those days when nothing seems to be going your way. Remember the mirror tip I mentioned earlier? Well, when you take your bathroom break, look yourself in the mirror, smile and re-affirm yourself either out loud or in your head. Tell yourself you have your work under control and you are the boss of your work, you are going to show your workload who is boss!

Bonus Tip!
A little technique I like to use is to have post it notes around my desk saying encouraging things. You are being your own motivator, I believe that if the encouraging messages come from yourself it means a lot more to you, because you are in charge of you and you only want the best for yourself right?

There are plenty of other techniques I like to use but this blog post would become a novel pretty quickly, and you don’t want that right? You have a busy day ahead. Have a great day!

Featured Image by Steve Halama